在2021里，我失去了两个挚爱 - huang和婆婆。

尽我所能珍惜与huang在一起的时光，我终究没能好好地与它道别；我很懊悔在婆婆有生之年没有好好地陪伴她，现在留下的只有无尽的想念和泪水。

从这两件事，我学到了什么？至今如此，我无法了解既然人会死，那为何要出生在这个世界？我什么都没能带走。我尽全力珍惜当下，当我终究会难过/懊悔。

我，不理解这个定律。

现在的生活，不能说好，但财务打理方面逊色好多。当然，这是好事，至少我没再欺骗自己，接受事实，接受自己亏钱。但我的血汗钱啊。

我不能再局限于这个失败，我需要振作起来，让这个教训是值得的。

Just random thoughts & current feels.

I guess, things are getting better right now. 

I have been studying on the investment course in daily basis from last Sunday (5 Sep) till today (11 Sep).

To be honest, being focus on other task(s) after work is not hard, this is a matter of discipline and determination on how to keeping this routine in a consistent way. 

And yea of course, I am trying my best to adapt into daily exercise routine too. 

There are lots achievement to be completed by Oct, Nov, Dec 2021 (e.g. healthy diet-ongoing, investment route optimisation, painting class, braces, high tea, etc.) before reaching 2022. If you are asking me am I scared / worried on the goals that I set? Nope, I am more than willing to hit every single one of them. After going through the 3-month+  lock down period, this makes me to be more treasure on the chances when I get to go out to do my own stuffs and yea, by complying safety SOPs. 

Especially we being at this pandemic, I appreciate that:

- I have a stable job;

- Even gotten a promoted position plus with salary increment in a new / dream company;

- An early confirmation;

- My family & close friends & me are in a healthy state.

I am superb grateful on what I have and of course, I am trying my very best to live a better life too. 

Nights world. 🌃

Untitled

Is harsh when being told about this, especially in the condition where you are not aware of.

It been so real, from the deep of the heart.

道理我都懂， 但我总需要时间消化。

Reality hits you hard.

I am worried that I will be in a depressed state soon. This scares me.

Countless sleepless nights; losing appetite; unmotivated in doing anything. I lose the interest in anything, including blogging.

I like the morning feels, enjoying coffee, eating breakfast... but now I am scared of it. Nothing for me to do, like literally nothing. I am just wake up and stare at the wall and worry on the interview result.

I miss the old days busying with assignments, part-time jobs, curricular activities. At least, I got something to fight with. I know what I strive for.

Reality hits you hard.
You want to step out of comfort zone but they require someone have experience.
You gonna be rejected anyway even doctor prove that you are at a stable level and job would not be affected.
You gonna failed anyway even you have spent 8 hours to do company research and proposal because there are over 500 candidates to compete just for one position.
You gonna wait for 2 months for job confirmation and in the end you lose another job.
You gonna be insulted by interviewer in the fucking ridiculous way.
You gonna be unappreciated by interviewers as there are far better and experienced candidates.

I am scared.

Life?

So I got my first ever job after finishing my degree. This is completely different with what I thinking about. Is this the "true life" after stepping into the real world? The non-stopping OT, even you are not having OT but you still have to wake up early for doing those freaking unrealistic tasks that set by your boss. Because they the one who pay you money.

This is stressful. I was so frustrated until right now. I feel so lifeless. Seriously. Everyday I struggle before sleep. Then I struggle again after woke up. Even though I am going shopping mall, nahhhh just to settle the freaking design stuffs.

Is this the life I want? Or am I just being fuss to myself?!

Okays. Finished my complaints bluh. Everything has its own transition period. I sincerely truly hope that this will pass asap la.

Byee. Nights world.

Cheers.

被这个世界温柔相待

生活本身没有形状，我们所遭受到的幸或不幸，都源于本身。任何事情都是互补的，你想要得到什么就要先付出什么。
如果你想要被这个世界温柔相待，那首先你要拼劲全力去面对这个世界。

“我本可以努力，但我没有。” 别再出现于我的生活里了。别。再也不见。

好好的改掉自己的恶习，

好好的面对不好的结果，

好好的规划未来，

好好的照顾自己，

好好的过生活，

这是对爱我的人与我爱的人的承诺。

.

追求梦想是幸福的。

久病复发。这几天，彻夜难眠。心中不断浮现各种忧虑。

我该怎么安排自己的计划，

学咖啡吗，护理吗，绑牙吗，额外知识吗，背包旅行吗

但，计划赶不上变化啊。

成长的代价吗？

一觉醒来没事就好。

祝，一切安好。